A friend of mine asked me if hypnosis can help to become impervious to insults and verbal abuse, so she can feel emotionally secure.
Numbing yourself, ignoring abuse and verbal or physical attacks won’t make you feel better and certainly won’t stop the abuser. Abusers need your reaction. They want to see your fear, pain, and suffering. Some people are neurologically wired to experience pleasure in other’s pain and suffering. It’s like a drug to them. They crave it. They need it. If you ignore their attacks, the attacks will intensify until you will give them what they want. They are just like drug addicts that will do anything to get their “fix”. And after they get it, they want more. That’s why the cycle of abuse never stops, only gets worse.
That’s why you adapting, adjusting, or ignoring won’t stop the abuse. The only way to stop these people is to let them experience serious consequences of their behavior. People tend to avoid what causes pain, embarrassment, discomfort, or some sort of loss. Isn’t it why we have various fine systems and prisons?. People tend to avoid what causes pain, embarrassment, discomfort, or some sort of loss. Isn’t it why we have various fine systems and prisons?
What you may not know about abusers
All abusers have these traits in common:
Deeply insecure – They are needy and demand constant reassurance.
They are jealous and possessive – They try to isolate you from your family and friends. They afraid that if you have support, you may leave them.
They are envious – Your success and achievements threaten them. They afraid that if you well for yourself, you may not need them and you will leave.
They lack personal responsibility – Everything is somebody else’s fault.
They lack personal power – That’s why they try to gain power over you.
They do not trust anyone – Most people tend to project their own traits onto others. Since they are untrustworthy, lying, conniving, abusive, they expect that from others.
They feel out of control – That is why they have a need to control every little thing.
They feel worthless (maybe they really are worthless)– Abuse and violence is the only way they found to feel strong, important, or superior.
They are fearful – They will never target someone who can fight back.
They have anxiety – They live in constant fear that their charade will fall apart, and the real self will be revealed to the world.
What you really need to understand
Abusers do not change. Let me repeat it. ABUSERS DO NOT CHANGE!
No amount of your understanding, support, love and care, therapy, and even pain, financial losses, prison time… nothing will ever cause them to change. They will however adapt, perfect their game, get better at conning, and will become even more dangerous. This is the essence of their soul (or whatever they have instead of the soul). You cannot change that.
You have no other option but to remove them from your life.
- Usually, abuse takes place behind closed doors. – You must make it known to everyone around you. You must make it public.
- Abusers deny their actions. – You must keep a record. Keep a journal of the incidents. Secretly record audio and video with your phone. If the situation calls for it, secretly arrange a witness. Phone is easy to hide, so get creative. You can live stream an incident with your phone via Skype or Zoom to your friend.
- Abusers blame the victim. – Know that you are always watched. Your behavior will be scrutinized. Because of the abuser life-long perfection of presenting him/ herself as a exemplary citizen and the ability to compose themselves in public, most likely, from the first glance, no one will believe you. So, make sure that you are always staying within the law and ethical norms. Your reputation must be spotless.
- People that are verbally abusive, most likely are capable of physical abuse. Understand that all abusers start with verbal abuse to test how far they will be allowed to go. – If you can, disengage immediately or make arrangements for your exit as soon as possible. Your life depends on it.
Here is the short reply for my dear friend and whoever else needs in inspiration in fight for themselves:
Don’t numb yourself to the attacks, let them fuel you. You must learn to stand up for yourself at the level where all attacks will be perceived as opportunities. Take every stone that was thrown at you and build yourself a stairway to success. Save some stones for building graves for your enemies. Attackers voluntarily give you their energy – take it and use it for achieving what you want. Never start a war first, but once someone made the first step, your hands are untied – you are free to do as you choose… all karma-free.
Forget about “eye for an eye”, you must take their entire head off and decorate your castle with it, so others can see too who you really are. I am speaking metaphorically
In my Stop Being a Doormat program, I explain in details the spiritual laws, karma, metaphysical side of forgiveness (and why this word is not allowed in my home), and why the act of vengeance has been sacred since all eternity and still is in some spiritual traditions.